"You have kids?"

Tonight was our last night in Istanbul. We decide to go out to dinner somewhere near our hotel. No problem. Lots of restaurants nearby. The guy at our hotel knows the area like the back of his hand and has already recommended a great place on another night. So we ask him. He recommends a few places including one in particuar. This one has a big belly dancing show. Hmmmm. Might have given him too much credit. Thanks, but no thanks. Not much help tonight. We go upstairs to shower. Elizabeth does some research and we come up with a name, MEYRA, which had been written up in the the NY Times. We go downstairs and tell the guy. Oh great he says. Wonderful place. Close by. No view, but lovely atmosphere and great food. Perfect. So off we go. We are in a VERY difficult area to find your way around. A real rabbit's warren of streets. Not two blocks away we turn right and there it is. Terrific. So in we go. The owner is all over us. I forgot to mention, our hotel guy always calls ahead, makes the reservation, and gives us a card with his name, the hotel name on the front and all the details. You can see it sitting on the table in Elizabeth's photo. So the owner says, "you're from the Witt". This guy is SO happy to see us. Leads us right to a table. Doesn't speak much English. There is only one other table with people, maybe about six people, and they are sort of in the back room. He puts us right in the front. Prime table. "You hungry", he says. Just like that. Well sure we are. So back we go to the buffet of mezzes - kind of like tapas - and he's right with us making sure everything gets a good once over. "You like plate? We have small plate and big plate. Here", handing us the big plate (which of course turns out to be a different price). So we take a big one to share and start taking things. But not enough for him. He takes a spoon and piles more on. He wants us to get the message. Eat up. Back to the table we go with our mezzes. Glass of wine and we're set. Now four more people come in and sit right across from us. Then four more but they want to sit outside even though it's in the 40s. Very common in Istanbul. They love eating outside. Hell with the cold. And no heaters required. This guy just picks up a table and carries it from the restaurant out to the sidewalk. Pretty good service. So the place is starting to fill up. All locals, no tourists. Ah we think, what a find. A few minutes later he is back. With a conspiratorial wink he says "You want smoke, no problem". Because you see effective Jan 1 no smoking in any restaurant in Istanbul. We laugh. No, no we say, we don't want to smoke. We do happen to notice that the four people outside are all lighting up. Ah we think, that's another reason they want to be outside. Too bad they don't know this guy as well as we do. We chuckle to ourselves. Then as if the secret handshake was given EVERY ONE of the people in the restaurant simultaneously lights up. Okay, we get it. Just a polite nod to us before the real smoking starts. So we haven't seen a menu yet. We've been letting this guy handle everything. We finish the mezzes and he says "You want appetizer". We thought that's what we just had. No we say, time for main course. We get the menu and the prices are ridiculously low. Istanbul it turns out is pretty pricey. Now we really think we are something. Good AND cheap. It is right about now that Elizabeth turns to me and says "I don't think this is the right restaurant". This is MEYHRAN and we are supposed to be in MEYRA. Well too late and everything is going great anyway. We order dinner. The guy goes out of his way to say Elizabeth is "so beautiful" and "young". Before I continue you have to understand that in some countries people feel comfortable asking you the most personal questions. No qualms at all. After a little while our guy comes back. "You have children?, he asks. No we say. This clearly disturbs him. "No? Why not?" he asks. And believe me, he is ready to wait for an answer. But given the language barrier and all we wait him out and he seems to give up. He's back in a few minutes. Points to himself. "Me 4 4" he says. Not fourty-four. 4 4. I'm not making fun. His English is a lot better than our Turkish. Just want to give you the flavor. He points to Elizabeth. "You?" he asks. She says, "I'm 46". That seems just fine with him. Now the same to me. I'm 59 I say. Uh oh, this is no good. Brow furrows and he looks concerned. Now the light goes on. He has his answer. No kids, why of course, you are stuck with this old geezer. Then he says "You buy children". Well I think and hope he means adopt. That goes nowhere so off he goes. But he's back. Now he wants to get into family size, brothers, sisters, etc. So we tell him. He it turns out has three sons; 22, 18 and 13. And that 13 year old, wow he's really something. Best we can get is "football"' he's a big football stud. Well it's becoming obvious he's thinking maybe this kid is the answer to our "problem". I mean he's doing everything but hold his two hands out in front of him and start pumping the old hips. So we make it through the meal, get our check and pay. Checks in Turkey come with no tip line. Tipping is not like the US. There's no place to even give one on the check. I turn my back and he says to Elizabeth "No baksheesh?" Baksheesh as I understand it is used in India to mean basically a bribe. It's a way of doing business there. But to him it means a tip, and brother he wants one. I mean why not with all that good kid advice? So we give him a small tip. Out the door and not four doors up we see the restaurant we were supposed to go to. MEYRA. Just to end the night a young panhandler appears out of nowhere. I reach in my pocket to find a coin. I'm reaching out to put it in his cup and he's reaching for my hand. I don't really want to shake hands with him so I sort of push past his hand and drop the coin in his cup. Turns out it was the cup he had his drink in. I plopped it right in there. He says "Is OK, I drink anyway". Really. You think?